The Gray Divorce Revolution

More and more long-time marrieds are calling it quits. The aging baby-boom generation, perhaps valuing self-expression more than tradition, is leading the way in later-life divorces. Today, one in four divorcees is over the age of fifty. In 1990, the number was one in ten. A study on “The Gray Divorce Revolution” by sociologists at Bowling Green University reveals the divorce rate among those over fifty has more than doubled in the last two decades.

Besides the fact that divorce is less stigmatized now, there are many reasons why people choose to divorce over fifty. Increased differences in values and lifestyle, children leaving home and lack of commonality between the parents, as well as the growing longevity and financial security for women, are all contributors. The woman who has worked outside the home for much of her adult life has a sense of independence and a willingness to make hard choices. Social media is a contributor, too, as people find it easy to reconnect with those from their past. According to USA Today, the number of dating site users fifty or older has grown twice as fast as any other age group over the past year.

When a person chooses divorce, the emotions can be debilitating — anger, disbelief, disappointment, longing. Creating a new, rewarding life can be harder that one might expect. Friends are important. So is having enough money to live comfortably. And money is often a sticking point. Money puts a cold reality to divorce, especially when spousal maintenance is dictated by a court agreement. Another big fear is growing old alone. People work hard to rebuild their self-respect and sense of pride, and often they remarry. These new relationships can be a great source of happiness, and they can be problematic, as they carry a greater likelihood of divorce.

Many experts believe that the unhappy marriages and their chronic dissatisfaction could have been relieved by professional intervention earlier in the marriage. A relationship of twenty, thirty or forty years needs to make changes as the years pass — partners transform into different people. Checking in with a professional when differences produce unhappiness can allow an opportunity for innovation and problem solving. Other qualities that help a marriage stand the test of time are curiosity, willingness to change, the ability to own one’s own issues and trying new things.